Nangis

Actually, tak suka nangis. Sangat-sangat tak suka. Hati pedih masa tu, mata sembab, sakit. Hidung berair, rimas. Tapi bila dipendam tangisan tu, hati makin meronta untuk dilepaskan. Maka di kelopak mata akan banjirnya hujan air mata.

Entahlah kenapa sejak dua menjak ni, hati makin sensitif. Depan orang bukan main lagi senyum, tunjuk happy, jadi happy go lucky, tapi bila malam, akan duduk diam-diam bawah selimut, kemudian episod air mata pun bermulalah dengan jayanya.

Kalau nak kata hilang pedoman, hari-hari dalam doa lepas sujud, "ya Allah kuatkanlah hati hamba, hapuskanlah segala duka, hilangkanlah segala prasangka, buangkanlah rasa perit dalam hati ini."

Tak bahagia ke? Tak tahulah. Tapi orang selalu cakap, kunci kebahagiaan terletak pada hati yang selalu bersyukur. Tak bersyukur ke aku ni?

Hurmmm.. tak tahulah. Tapi makin kuat mendidik hati untuk selalu cekal dan tabah, makin kuat pula emosi yang mencengkam di jiwa. Makin selalu rasa tersisih. Tak ada kawan bicara, tak ada teman berkongsi duka lara.

Ataukah aku ini yang terlalu nampak kuat dan bahagia di mata orang, sampai ada yang tak tahu, hati aku sedang porak peranda saat ini? :'(

I Need A Listener Too.

Assalamualaikum.

I'm not sure wether I am one of the narcissistic suffer. Its kinda a habit lately, since before actually, I love posting about myself on my social media account.

I love sharing my thoughts, things I like, I enjoy doing, and my life. Most of the time I love writing poetic words on facebook and instagram to express my feelings and gratitude on something or someone.

Since before, most of my friends will find me with their problems to share heart to heart talk. I don't mind at all listening to them, I promise! But sometimes I do need someone to listen to my stories too.

I did approach them once in a while. But they seems to have no time to spare it for me since they are busy with their life commitment. They did listen to me at times but it has always been ended up hangover.

I know, spiritually, even in our religion belief, we have God as the Most Listening of all. We should rely only on Him to give in our heart and tears only for Him. But sometimes I do really need a human being to hear my voice. Not only as an advisor, not only as a listener, but as much as someone who want to talk too.

Please do ask me if I'm ok on that particular day. Please spare your ears to listen, and be my advisor like I ever do to you.

I admit that I'm willingly to listen up to you guys not because I demand the same thing from y'all. But there are times when I have to face the ups and downs in my life, in my heart that I essentially need somebody to share the feelings with me, too.

People thought I'm always happy with those smiles I show off to, with my positive and inspiring post on my fb timeline. But deep inside I'm broken, I feel lonely. Nobody wanna ask me about me, yet no one ever wonder what is happening in my life in this past few years.

Some people are desperately need the care, advices, they have  fears that they are afraid of to endure it all by themselves. They need friends from the bottom of their heart to share it with. But they just didn't know how to start as most people are acting cold to them. They are wary of rejection. Sometimes they cannot handle it anymore. Its just about to blow out.

And they really need helps to soothe it down.

Dear my beloved friends, the only small circle of friends I only have. I do really need you :'(.