Thursday, 2 February 2017

I Dear My Students A Lot.


Whenever I mad at my 1 Ibnu Kathir students, right after I went back home, I'll burst out into tears. I realize the fact that I have so much flaws as their class teacher. I didn't get myself close to them as much as they wanted me to do so.

They are still new about this secondary high school. Not so much different with me as well.

From the very beginning of the class session, I already show up my fierceness towards them. I mad at them a lot, I strictly said what do's and dont's during in my class. And that's somehow put me further away from them.

I tried to be a good teacher. But I don't think I struggle it enough for them all. I want the good teacher title just to show to the other teachers and students that I'm that capable way of to. Not for the sake of my class students at all!!

Until today, I just realize that how I treat them all this while in this past a month, are actually hurt them too much. -Being too strict and fierce wouldn't make the students fall for you anyway.-They have the feelings that I didn't love them as much as the way I did to the students from another classes.

Dear 1 IBK 2017 Students, cikgu love you no matter what happen, cikgu will always care for you, for your personal wellbeing and your academic at school and in our classroom. InshaAllah I'll overcome my weaknesses and correct my mistake so that you'll feel loved at this school. I'll be the best teacher and mother for all of you here as much as I can.

O Allah, please forgive my sins towards them, and please guide me so that I can guide them sincerely from the bottom of my heart. I love all of you. All 32 of you.

Wednesday, 18 January 2017


Actually, tak suka nangis. Sangat-sangat tak suka. Hati pedih masa tu, mata sembab, sakit. Hidung berair, rimas. Tapi bila dipendam tangisan tu, hati makin meronta untuk dilepaskan. Maka di kelopak mata akan banjirnya hujan air mata.

Entahlah kenapa sejak dua menjak ni, hati makin sensitif. Depan orang bukan main lagi senyum, tunjuk happy, jadi happy go lucky, tapi bila malam, akan duduk diam-diam bawah selimut, kemudian episod air mata pun bermulalah dengan jayanya.

Kalau nak kata hilang pedoman, hari-hari dalam doa lepas sujud, "ya Allah kuatkanlah hati hamba, hapuskanlah segala duka, hilangkanlah segala prasangka, buangkanlah rasa perit dalam hati ini."

Tak bahagia ke? Tak tahulah. Tapi orang selalu cakap, kunci kebahagiaan terletak pada hati yang selalu bersyukur. Tak bersyukur ke aku ni?

Hurmmm.. tak tahulah. Tapi makin kuat mendidik hati untuk selalu cekal dan tabah, makin kuat pula emosi yang mencengkam di jiwa. Makin selalu rasa tersisih. Tak ada kawan bicara, tak ada teman berkongsi duka lara.

Ataukah aku ini yang terlalu nampak kuat dan bahagia di mata orang, sampai ada yang tak tahu, hati aku sedang porak peranda saat ini? :'(

Sunday, 15 January 2017

I Need A Listener Too.


I'm not sure wether I am one of the narcissistic suffer. Its kinda a habit lately, since before actually, I love posting about myself on my social media account.

I love sharing my thoughts, things I like, I enjoy doing, and my life. Most of the time I love writing poetic words on facebook and instagram to express my feelings and gratitude on something or someone.

Since before, most of my friends will find me with their problems to share heart to heart talk. I don't mind at all listening to them, I promise! But sometimes I do need someone to listen to my stories too.

I did approach them once in a while. But they seems to have no time to spare it for me since they are busy with their life commitment. They did listen to me at times but it has always been ended up hangover.

I know, spiritually, even in our religion belief, we have God as the Most Listening of all. We should rely only on Him to give in our heart and tears only for Him. But sometimes I do really need a human being to hear my voice. Not only as an advisor, not only as a listener, but as much as someone who want to talk too.

Please do ask me if I'm ok on that particular day. Please spare your ears to listen, and be my advisor like I ever do to you.

I admit that I'm willingly to listen up to you guys not because I demand the same thing from y'all. But there are times when I have to face the ups and downs in my life, in my heart that I essentially need somebody to share the feelings with me, too.

People thought I'm always happy with those smiles I show off to, with my positive and inspiring post on my fb timeline. But deep inside I'm broken, I feel lonely. Nobody wanna ask me about me, yet no one ever wonder what is happening in my life in this past few years.

Some people are desperately need the care, advices, they have  fears that they are afraid of to endure it all by themselves. They need friends from the bottom of their heart to share it with. But they just didn't know how to start as most people are acting cold to them. They are wary of rejection. Sometimes they cannot handle it anymore. Its just about to blow out.

And they really need helps to soothe it down.

Dear my beloved friends, the only small circle of friends I only have. I do really need you :'(.

Wednesday, 28 December 2016

Your Mom Knows Yourself More Than You Do

Just a friendly reminder to myself and all.

You can never lie to your mom.

It's either you couldn't do it or your mom knows you are lying to her.

It's either throug the way you speak, or the sounds of your speech, or even the glance you show through your eyes.

She knew it.

Even you are telling her or not. She will always knows.

She knows your attitude, what do you like and hate, how do you react, since you live in her womb from the very beginning.

So never lie to her. Don't even think about it.

I love you, mom. ♥ :')

Wednesday, 14 December 2016

Am I That Cruel?? :'(

I love animals. And I am a cat person, based on my personality and life elements. People know that. Everyone aknowledge that. Through what I constantly posted on my social network and how much I spend my life time around my fur buddy all this while.

But there are at times, when I feel I am at the bottom of that altitude. There are sometimes lots lots lots of situations often dragged me out of being a person everyone knew.

As we all can see, having pets can never be easy. Instead of ensuring the welfare of their well being, their food, their shelter, their health, a pet owner at the same time are considered as the most patience, tolerate, generous, commited and are the coolest breed of human being can be found on Earth.

I was that kind of human being long time ago. WAS. I don't know why lately I seem to have a lot of issue regarding pets ; in my house (mom's house) especially is. I can't tolerate few things that I have to struggle sharing my home and life with them.
I don't understand myself so much lately. For me, I don't mind spending a lot for my pets in terms of money and expenses. Not at all. In fact, I've always believe that being generous to animals and helping them to survive their life can lead us into the bless of God.

But.. sometimes, I lost my tempered so badly when it comes to the mess they made. They are all uncontrollable when they litter everywhere around the house. They peed anywhere they could (even on my bed) and wanted to, everyday, in no time at all, no limits when my mom release them out of their room to clean their cage-house and litter box.

In my mind, I've always thinking of beating them, cursing them with harsh words in my heart and I even thought of sending them to the cat shelter in town.

I know animals have no intelligence quality like humans do. They can only protect themselves from harm and dangerous, but they can't barely know to differenciate things either its good or bad. I realize that.

However, I have no idea why do I keep on feeling that way. Seems like there are something lays beside me and whispered to me to think and even acting on that way.

Again. Read this. I love animals. I love my pets so much. Nothing can change that fact untill my last blow of breathe. And everytime I watch a vedio or reading articles posted on website about the animals abusing, it brokes my heart, crashing it into pieces. By that time I was thinking again, everything that people did to the animals they abused, its kinda like how I was ever thought on my own feline friends. Oh Allah, please have mercy on me. Please forgive all my sins towards them all.

I'll improve my heart. My attitude.

-QOTD- without my pets, my house would be cleand, my wallet would be thick, but my heart will be empty.

I love all of you my FUR BUDDIES. :'(

Sunday, 11 December 2016

Flaws are Precious.

People are imperfect. So do I. So do you. So do us. We are all flawed with something we can never change nor denied in our entire life.
But if you tried to cover your flaws with something fake, something artificial, trust me that others will love you in an artificial ways too. Yet, still.. a lot more will definitely hate you for being fake, and hypocrite.
People love flawlessness. Even though its oppsiting the reality. And people tend to avoid it and those who naturally born with it, even though they know that its some kind of a true fact lies in everyone's life.
If you have flaws, and you survive your life in a great values, don't be afraid if its seen by others. As long as you are not feeling or threathened bad through it.
No matter how you look (physically), be grateful. At least you are blessed with so much things needed by a human being in this struggling world. At least God is still graciously shower you with His eternal love and care. He created you in the very best look. He gave you beautiful life, a loving family, few good friends, and a strong heart filled with iman and islam. Be grateful. Be thankful.
Your flaws are your beauty. Not a bad luck. Its Allah's signature for a special person like you. Like me. Like us all.
Alhamdulillah. :)

Wednesday, 7 December 2016

Note For Me. #1

When you are judged harshly or rejected, you have to be strong in your heart.

You have to accept that you'll never be good enough for some people.

Whether that is going to be their problem or yours, it is up to you.

Rejection is merely a redirection; a course of corection to your destiny.

You have to remember that your special life is for you, and your purpose has nothing to do with the opinions of others.

When we have been hurt we often shrink and run for safety. Don't allow others to make you feel small.

Quoted by: Bryant McGill